one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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