The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
