Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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