Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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