im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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