At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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