i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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