you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize