Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
