You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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