so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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