I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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