At least make sure they are 18
Why
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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