Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
