Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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