Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
