Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
