Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
