I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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