I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
barbara walters just said penis...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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