Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
