Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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