I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
