In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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