Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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