she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
