You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dignity is for republicans.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
