Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cockslap morals
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How's work?
Spinning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
