plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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