Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
