Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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