No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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