tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
