Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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