i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
