He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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