soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
