I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
