check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
