eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
