I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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