Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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