then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
