i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
