Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
