Tell her she can't have a vagina
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
