I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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