Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
