i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
