Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
