In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
