Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
