Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
