i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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