btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
