Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
