Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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