im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
