I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
