a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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