is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
