Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
