i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
