Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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