I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
