It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
