i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
