Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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