Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
