i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
