Please, let me fuck your mom
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
