So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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