you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
