I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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