"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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