i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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