From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
