R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
