Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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