last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
