I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
