just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
