Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
