Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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