I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
