And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
